Why Everyone Going Through a Divorce Needs a Divorce Coach

A Divorce Coach? Is that even a thing? You may be wondering what a Divorce Coach is, why someone would need one, and what they do. Most likely you have heard of a Sports Coach, a Business Coach, a Fitness Coach, maybe even a Life Coach, but probably not a Divorce Coach. Well, you are not alone.

Coaching is the practice of guiding an individual through a process.

Divorce Coaches are generally known throughout the legal community as part of the Collaborative Law process. Collaborative Law is a growing style of resolving conflict and settling a divorce without the use of traditional adversarial litigation. Parties each have their own collaborative attorney and the goal is to operate in a more dignified environment in order to reduce the conflict and minimize the impact on the parties, the children, and the family as a whole. Meetings are "team meetings" and the court process is used only once the parties have agreed on all issues. In addition to the collaborative attorneys, there is often a Financial Specialist, a Child Specialist, and/or a Divorce Coach that become part of the team. Together the team works through the relevant issues such as crafting a parenting plan and/or settling financial/property issues. The Divorce Coach helps the parties work through the conflict and tough emotions of the divorce in order to effectively work together for the best interests of their children and/or to facilitate the parties in reaching a fair agreement. Sounds great, right?

Using the collaborative process, however, means that both parties have to be in the collaborative mindset and agree not to use litigation. Since divorce by nature is usually born from conflict, the more common mindset is one of "fighting it out in court." In order to serve the parties where the collaborative process is not workable, divorce coaches have evolved into practitioners that are available outside of Collaborative Law and have become popular in many states. They are one of the many new cadre of experts that are helping women and men navigate their divorce. This "outside the box of traditional litigation" thinking can only be a good thing.

With a divorce rate that borders on 50% of marriages in the U.S. (depending on the source); providing individuals with support, practical information, effective communication and co-parenting skills, while also helping them work through the emotional impact of divorce, is necessary and critical. It is a given that the more personal work an individual has done during and after leaving a relationship, the less "baggage" (for lack of a better word) they will take into the next one. Healthier people make for healthier relationships, which impacts society, particularly children, as a whole.

So WHAT exactly does a Divorce Coach do? How can they help? What can one do for you? It depends to some degree on the type of Divorce Coach chosen. Some have a legal background or are attorneys, others have a financial or therapeutic background, and there are some Divorce Coaches that simply use their own personal experiences with divorce to guide others. It is always important to choose the one that best fits the situation and specifics of each individual's divorce needs. One thing seems to be clear, choosing to have a Divorce Coach on the team is a definite benefit.

A Divorce Coach is not a substitute for an attorney or counselor but the value they can bring to the divorce process is significant. Often resulting in lower legal fees and more efficient (translate cost effective) communication with attorneys. Utilizing a Divorce Coach can reduce attorney fees by helping the individual discern between issues which actually require the attorney's attention and issues which only require support and a place to vent. Depending on the market, the rates for a Divorce Coach can often be a fraction of what attorneys charge. This can make the dollars spent on an attorney last longer and frees the attorney up to work on the critical legal issues.

A Divorce Coach can walk an individual through the stages of the divorce process in a detailed, non-legalese way that will provide a preview of things to come. The more one knows about the legal process in the beginning of the divorce, the better they can plan and prepare for each step along the way. Knowledge inspires confidence.

Even with an attorney there are many tasks that a party is required to complete. Gathering financial and other documents (sometimes several years’ worth), detailing expenses, identifying assets, creating budgets and financial declarations, providing a marital history or narrative for a declaration, and creating lists of witnesses and/or relevant exhibits. These tasks can be overwhelming and time consuming to accomplish by themselves in a short time frame to meet a court deadline, but trying to complete them while working full time and/or caring for children can be the tipping point for many people. A Divorce Coach can help by keeping the individual on track, giving a heads up to what is coming up (allowing more time to plan and prepare), assisting with organization and providing ongoing one on one support.

In high-conflict divorces, or where there are allegations of abuse or substance abuse issues, there tends to be considerable daily stress and a whole host of other challenges that permeate the divorce process. The need to have an objective and supportive Divorce Coach to help navigate those mine fields and manage the overwhelming emotions that naturally accompany high conflict litigation is greatly increased.

The greatest benefit that a Divorce Coach can bring to the divorce process (and here is where I jump on my soapbox) is the focus on the whole individual. Divorce impacts each person differently, but without a doubt it impacts every life area. Work, family, friends, finances, leisure time, physical environment or residence, health, and well-being all take a hit during such a huge life change. The legal system is only designed to focus on the legal issues. A Divorce Coach is invested in the individual and focuses on the impact of divorce on all areas of one's life.

When an individual is fighting their way through a divorce and juggling work and family responsibilities, they often bump their needs to the back burner. I frequently ask my clients, "What are you doing to take care of yourself during this process?" The hard truth is that divorce can often be a grueling marathon. In order to have the strength to keep going for the long haul, each individual has to make taking care of themselves a priority. This is where a Divorce Coach can truly be a benefit. Not only to help clients get through the divorce process, but also to help them grow and thrive in the aftermath.

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